Marriages made in Heaven and lived on Earth
From the ‘rib-tickling’ account of the creation of the woman from Adam to the ‘knee-jerk’ teaching of Jesus that ‘What God has joined together; no human being must separate’ we have a brilliant scriptural beam of light that casts clarity on the current mired perception of modern-day marriage in contrast to God’s plan. While the exact timing of angelic creation is not specified in scripture, it is widely interpreted that they were created before humans based on their roles and presence during the creation narrative. Yet, after making the first human being, God muses that it is not good for him to be alone! The creation of Eve from Adam's rib holds profound symbolic significance in the biblical narrative. This act demonstrates the intimate connection between man and woman, emphasizing their shared essence and complementary nature. By using Adam's rib, God showed that Eve was not a separate creation, but an integral part of Adam, highlighting their unity in marriage. The rib's location near the heart symbolizes the close emotional bond between spouses. Additionally, the rib's ability to regenerate suggests that Adam's temporary loss resulted in a greater gain - a lifelong companion. In the original Biblical language, it was rendered as ishsha (“woman”) is made from isha (“her man”) signifying how men and women were made for each other and not about who got power over whom!
By placing marriage "in the beginning," Scripture imbues it with cosmic significance. Marriage is not merely a human convention, but a divine institution that reflects God's nature and His relationship with humanity. The "one flesh" concept underscores the profound, God-ordained nature of marriage in biblical understanding, emphasizing its spiritual significance beyond mere human convention. In essence, while sexual intimacy is a crucial part of the "one flesh" union, it is meant to be an expression and reinforcement of a deeper, multifaceted unity between spouses that encompasses all aspects of their lives together. So, when God made human beings embodied and gendered, He gave them the great gift, lacking for the angels, that they could be joined together for life in marriage and can have children.
In contrast to the secularist idea of present-day contractual unions in human relationships, the Biblical insight is explained better in the writings of Rainer Maria Rilke, a Bohemian-Austrian poet who passed away in 1926. “The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his/her solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” There is something that reaches the godly in such holy desire. When we abide in love, our hearts arch to the infinite and divinity is within the gaze of the lovers. Rilke said, “Lovers, you touch pure permanence underneath.”
If Christ spoke in realistic terms of unbroken marriages, we might ask why so many marriages fail? Ron Rolheiser has a wonderful explanation that might explain how people enter into intimacy unaware of their undue expectations. “Because the very way that we are made, precludes ever having, in this life, a oneness of mind, heart, and body that fulfills us in such a way that there is no disappointment. Our longing is simply too wide. We long for the infinite and are built for it and so we wake to life and consciousness with longings as deep as a Grand Canyon without a bottom.” “What we crave even more deeply than sexual unity is moral affinity, to be truly one heart with another. More than we desire a lover, we desire a kindred spirit, a soul mate. If this is true, then the deepest violations of each other are also not sexual but moral.”
Our fallen nature and our ‘made for eternity soul’ seeking fullest satisfaction in human relationships will drive us into rough terrains in love life. As Dan Berrigan rightly said that there will be rough patches and dull stretches in a long trip, so too in human relationships. It is here that Christ’s insight into the covenantal relationship with God as the foundation for marriage by quoting, “in the beginning …” becomes pertinent. It is in this acceptance of the fact the mighty currents of love are the Creator’s gift and it needs to be woven into threads that can bind us into a unity of heart lived according to His precepts. Thus respecting God determined boundaries and grace combined with our unselfish efforts can make our life in marriage, friendship and celibacy meaningful, purposeful, joyful and a sharing in divine life.
Fr Tom Kunnel, C.O