Overcoming the Fear of Death
There are two things that we all have in common: we are all going to die, and we all have some fear about it. For many, however, the fear is so intense that they avoid the topic of death completely. Medical experts tell us that the anxious feeling we get when we're afraid is a standardized biological reaction. It is pretty much the same set of body signals, whether we're afraid of getting bitten by a snake, getting turned down from a dinner invitation, or getting our yearly health checkup as we age. The idea of no longer being here on earth arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a cliff or high-rise building.
So how can Jesus tell us, actually, command us not to be afraid of death? Well, think about it this way. If you are surprised when you discover that you are dying, you just haven’t been paying attention or living in that consciousness. None of us is getting out of this alive. Every one of us will die. It is just a question of when. Or maybe better: it is just a question of how.
In the realm of faith, there is a fascinating twist! For the believer, death is not scary. In dying, you will move through the veil that separates you, from this world of sorrow and suffering, to the Lord’s own presence. There, on the other side, you will find all tears wiped away—the tears you have already wept and the ones that are stuck in your heart right now. All those tears will be wiped away by your Creator with a tenderness so great that you will think you must be dreaming. The beauty and the goodness of that new world will surpass your every desire. You will forget fear itself! And you yourself will be something lovelier than you ever imagined you could be. Surrounded by beauty and goodness, bathed in the love of the Lord, transformed, yourself, in the beauty of holiness, you will join the angels in singing for joy at what the Lord has done.
To arrive at this stage of awakening, we need to embrace peace. The peace we experience in our ordinary lives never comes to us without a shadow. As Henri Nouwen puts it, there is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life so that even in our most happy moments there is something missing. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of limitation. In every success there is fear of jealousy. In every friendship there is distance. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In this life there is no such a thing as pure joy. Every bit of life is touched by a bit of death. The world can give us peace, except it never does this perfectly. Our mediated world of advertising promises an enchanting everlasting world here below. We might be tempted to buy that lie.
What Jesus offers is a peace that is not fragile, that is already beyond fear and anxiety, that does not depend upon feeling healthy, secure, and loved in this world. What is this peace? At the last supper and as he was dying, Jesus offered us his gift of peace. And what is this? It is the absolute assurance we are connected to the source of life in such a way that nothing, absolutely nothing, can ever sever—not bad health, not betrayal by someone, indeed, not even our own sin. We are unconditionally loved and held by the source of life itself and nothing can change that. Nothing can change God’s unconditional love for us.
We are like actors in a drama. The ending of the story has already been written and it is a happy one. We know that we will triumph in the end, just as we know that we will have some rocky scenes before that ending. If we keep that in mind, we can more patiently bear the seeming death-dealing tragedies that befall us. We are being held unconditionally by the source of life itself, God. And we need this assurance. We live with constant anxiety because we sense that our health, security, and relationships are fragile, that our peace can easily disappear. We live too with regrets about our own sins and betrayals. And we live with more than a little uneasiness about broken relationships and loved ones broken by bitterness or suicide. Our peace is fragile and anxious.
We need to remind ourselves that healthy love of all these things has its roots in love of God. Everything gets its own individual value from the indwelling of God within it. Each person, each blade of grass receives its full value of love because it proceeds from God’s gentle hand. Whoever takes this proposition seriously will live a full human life. Are there thoughts in your mind that this is a pious wish or this is too difficult? So many things get in the way. Have a look through your life and see how often you forget God, the source. “Leave me, I am a sinful man,” Peter once said to Jesus in the boat, remembering that he had deserted Jesus at least three times. How many times have you and I done likewise? So, does the above proposition really apply just to those who never sin?
Not at all. “If you sin, I will not leave you, I will love you,” God has said throughout the ages and the pages of the Bible. The cross of Jesus is the ultimate statement of that truth. God’s love remains constant and dear, despite the rampant sin in all of us and each of us. His love will help us get closer to the goal of real intimacy with Him our Creator-God.
Fr Tom Kunnel, C.O.